Amaze your friends by speaking correct English

It’s time for us to play the hectoring English teacher and point out some common mistakes people make in their writing and speech (you’ll thank us someday). Here goes:

We literally croak when we hear this:

Don’t use the word “literally” unless you mean it. In other words, refrain from such uses as these:

• “The candidate literally destroyed his opponent in Thursday’s debate.”

• “The church singing was so enthusiastic that it literally blew the roof off the place.”

In each case, the word “literally” means “non-literally.” The candidate destroyed his candidate figuratively (no coroner arrived on the scene). The church’s singing blew the roof off in a manner of speaking (no need to call a building contractor).

Pointless modifiers:

Some words have modifiers built into them. Adding adjectives and adverbs is, therefore, superfluous. Consider the following:

• “The tornado siren blared loudly.” (When something blares, it’s always loud.)

• “Attendees at the man’s funeral sobbed mournfully.” (Sobs at a funeral usually aren’t joyous – we hope.)

• “We’re giving away free gifts.” (What other kinds of gifts are there?)

• “College is not in that student’s future plans.” (Plans are always about the future. Who plans for the past?)

• “The sailor punched the bartender in the face, violently.” (As opposed to a nonviolent punch of goodwill?)

It’s a good idea to ask yourself whether any given adjective or adverb is necessary before using it. Remember, an economy of words is a good thing.

Plural pronouns for singular nouns:

This incorrect usage is fairly common:

• “I asked someone on the street for a dollar and they told me to get lost.”

Unless this was a person with multiple personalities, “they” is the wrong word choice.

Less vs. fewer:

Use “fewer” for items that are countable. Use “less” for uncountable things. These are both correct:

• “The new recipe calls for less flour than the old one does.”

• “Fewer people [not less] are becoming police officers than in years past.”

An exception to this rule pertains to money. You’d go ahead and say, “He makes less than $1,000 per week.” (Substituting “fewer” for “less” here would sound strange.)

Confusing “who” and “that”:

When you’re writing or talking about people, use “who,” not “that.” For example, this is incorrect:

• “Men that wear hats indoors violate traditional etiquette.”

In addition, we should refer to animals as “that,” not “who.” As in:

• “Rabbits that [not who] run fastest tend to live longest.”

There you have it: Five common English errors that are easy to correct. Fix these and people will be blown away by your eloquence. (We mean that figuratively.)